


The Sky is Falling.

by AshleyJinxxBiersack



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angels, Angst, Demons, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Minor Character Death, Other, Reader-Insert, Winchesters always cause problems, bad language, mentions of season 8 situations, post-season 10 finale, relationships, smiting, some violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-30
Updated: 2015-12-22
Packaged: 2018-04-07 01:13:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 21,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4243896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshleyJinxxBiersack/pseuds/AshleyJinxxBiersack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the aftermath of the Gates of Heaven being slammed closed, what happened to the other Angels?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I

Love every day, and treat each as if it were your last, because you never know when your time will come to an end.

Those are words you'd lived by your whole life. It was something you'd always been told from the moment you were old enough to understand more about what was happening in the world around you, and it was something you lived by. You always appreciated every day that you experienced, and you always went out of your way to be kind and loving. You had a good heart, and everyone around you praised you for that.

Heaven was a pleasant place to be. It always had been, for as long as you could remember. You got on well with everyone, and everyone respected you, as they should. Your private little heaven was peaceful and free of all stress, and you were thankful for that every day that you visited this Heaven.

In all the centuries you'd been around, Angels had very little to do with the Earth and those who inhabited it, even after Lucifer fell. Lucifer had always been your favourite of the Archangels, simply because his heart was always in the right place, so you'd been heartbroken when something in him changed and caused him to be banished from Heaven. You hadn't seen or heard from him since that moment, and that sadness was always in the back of your mind.

One of your favourite things about being an Angel was getting to guide the souls to their individual Heavens. Growing up, that had always been your dream task, ever since you'd seen the likes of Balthazar and Gadreel doing that job. As soon as you'd come of age to help with important jobs, you'd jumped right into guiding souls, and you hadn't looked back since. You'd been the one to personally guide Mary Winchester to her Heaven on that fateful night in 1983, and you'd been the one to guide Bobby Singer to his Heaven twenty-nine years later.

That family had always been one to watch, ever since Michael's attempt at taking on Lucifer six years ago. Michael had never returned after that day. He'd been trapped in the cage with Lucifer, and while that caused uproar among most of the Angels, there'd been the few that had said _good riddance!_ to him. You had to have a certain mindset to deal with Michael, but he'd treated you fairly and respectfully your entire life, so you'd never really had a problem with him.

It was the actions of the Winchester family combined with the actions of the Angel Castiel, and the Lord's scribe Metatron that had lead you to where you are now; working in a hair dressing salon somewhere in Missouri. You'd been there for two years now.

Three years ago had been the great fall, as it was recalled by all Angels you'd come across. Metatron had gone AWOL and had tricked the Winchesters into thinking they could close off Hell. That was the story you'd heard from many, anyway. In the process of doing this, Metatron had tricked Castiel into believing they could restore Heaven when really, Metatron had planned to takeover and in the process, cast out every Angel that didn't follow him. You had been one of those Angels.

The only thing you remember from the fall was the rush of the wind in your [h/c] hair as the wind whistled violently in your ears. You'd felt almost like a falling comet on fire as you'd hurtled towards the Earth, and when you'd finally landed, you'd been submerged in freezing cold water. It had been a struggle, but sometime later, you'd managed to pull yourself onto dry land, coughing and spluttering and thanking whoever was still listening that you'd survived. It had been said that not everyone survived the fall that night. Your wings were soaked to the bone and in a state of ruins as you'd dragged yourself along to find somewhere to hide until you'd managed to heal over again. Some of your powers had stayed intact, and you'd been one of the lucky ones who'd kept your wings, so you had everything to be thankful for that night.

For the first year, you'd spent a lot of time wandering aimlessly, squatting in old buildings and hiding just how wrecked you were with your powers. In that time, you'd learnt how to blend in with the humans, and by your second year on the Earth, you'd managed to suss out being human enough to find an apartment to live in, along with picking a hobby or two and a job you could enjoy. You went into being a hairdresser, and you had a small, comfy one-bedroom apartment in Kansas City, Missouri. It wasn't ideal, but you made the most of the situation you were in, and you were as happy as you could be so far from home.

You got on fairly well with everyone you'd met while being on Earth, but one person had stood out, and she was now your best friend. You'd met Tammy when she came into the salon you worked in for a cut, wash and blow dry sometime during the beginning of your first month on the job. You'd clicked immediately, and she'd been your friend ever since. Every time she came to the salon for an appointment, you were her hairdresser, and she always made sure of it by only booking her appointments on the days you were working. The manager you worked for didn't mind this, as he knew you weren't always social because you didn't find it easy. There was still so much you had to adjust to, but you knew you had all the time in the world to do that.

You'd started to enjoy Earth, but you couldn't help but miss Heaven. Things were much simpler in Heaven because there was far less hatred and there was no war that never seemed to end. Earth was full of anger and spite and it didn't sit right with you, but you just had to deal with it and try to be one of the people that made a difference just by being kind.

You didn't know what was happening in Heaven anymore. You hadn't known since the fall. You wanted so badly to know, and not knowing created an ache in your soul that just wouldn't go away no matter what you did or how many angels you came across, but you'd learnt to deal with it.

The Winchester brothers were never far from the word of Angels. Every time you saw another Angel, you were asked _have you come across those Winchesters yet?_ and every time, you'd respond with _no._ You didn't know if you _wanted_ to come across the brothers, because as far as you were concerned, they'd been nothing but trouble for as long as you could remember hearing about them. They'd been the reason Castiel had rebelled so much and fallen so far from Grace, and they'd been the reason so many of your brothers and sisters had been lost - Balthazar, Gabriel, Michael and Raphael included.

You felt lucky to have avoided the brothers for so long. You'd been successful in never crossing their paths in any way, so you knew you were okay. You were safe, and there was no chance of you ever losing the possibility that one day, you'll get back to Heaven where you belong.

Of course, that luck had to change eventually, didn't it?


	2. II

You'd just finished up doing a cut and dye for your seventh customer of the day. She had gorgeously long hair, and you always loved working with long hair because it was always so nice regardless of how long it took to get it done. You gave her the instructions for the first three days of care, seeing as she'd never gone red before and didn't want it fading and going ginger in a matter of hours, then you said goodbye to her with a smile and started to clean up your station ready for whoever came in next.

That was when you spotted him.

Familiar brown hair stuck up in all angles, so dark it was almost black, and bright blue eyes that used to be full of so much determination. You frowned, staring at him for a minute. He caught your eyes, and something in him changed before he turned and walked away. As if by some strange coincidence, your phone dinged in your pocket. You pulled it out, glancing quickly at the text from Tammy.

_Working today? Need a touch up on the blonde._

Of course she would. You smiled to yourself, momentarily forgetting the blue eyes and dark hair as you responded to her.

_Off now for 2 wks. Think you can manage until then?_

You put your phone away, knowing you'd see the response later. You hated blowing your friend off like this. You always looked for excuses to see her, but you knew today was going to be a strange kind of day. So, after a quick word with your boss and a few excuses that you never usually had to use, you were given the day off along with a promise of half of that day's pay on payday. You thanked your boss for being so understanding, gathered up your things, then made your way out. You pulled your dark denim jacket onto your shoulders then pulled your shoulder back up properly before heading in the general direction he'd headed in.

You walked around aimlessly for a while, almost finding yourself turning around and going back to work with another excuse to throw your boss off your scent. As your mind told you that was the best option, your body ran into him. Literally. With a grunt, you stumbled a little, feeling his hands grabbing your arms to steady you.

"My apologies," he said. "I wasn't looking where I was going."

"It's fine, it was-" you paused in your words, frowning as you looked at him. It really was him. "Castiel."

"[Y/N]," he responded, the smallest of smiles tugging at the corner of his lips. "It _was_ you in that salon."

"What were you doing there? What are you doing _here_?" you asked. You were confused. He hadn't been around the entire time you'd been on Earth, or even for the last few years in Heaven, so why was he here now? What did he want?

"I've been searching for any other Angels that are still here somewhere. Many did not make it when they fell, and many have died since. There have been a few that I have found, and they are safe, but I don't know if things will stay that way," he explained. You frowned.

"What's taking you so long?" you asked. "I have been here for three years, and only now you have found me? What about the others? Have there been any signs of them yet?"

"I've been doing my best, [Y/N]. I spent a while trying to get my Grace back after the fall. Metatron stole it from me when he closed the gates. It took me a couple of years to get it, but I did, and now I'm trying my best," Castiel said as he gently moved you away from any prying humans where you could continue to speak of the matter. "I've been searching between helping Sam and Dean, and-"

"You mean you're _still_ helping the Winchesters?!" you exclaimed, irritated by this news.

"They are my friends. My family," Castiel defended.

" _We_ are your family, Castiel! Those two are the reason you fell so far in the first place! Don't you want the simplicity you once had? Before all of this war and death and the struggle to keep hold of your damned Grace?"

"[Y/N] please, just hear me out," Castiel sighed. "They have done much for me, and I am returning the favour. They made me see that there is more to life than following orders. They taught me what it means to feel and question things. Without them, I never would have done any of that, and they would not have survived the apocalypse. The Earth our father created would still be in ruins to this day if it were not for those two, and I helped prevent that apocalypse happening."

"That may be," you argued, arms crossing over your chest. "But what about all the bad they have done too? There are many people dead because of them, including some of our brothers and sisters!"

"They do what they do with good intentions at heart," Castiel defended. "The Angels they have killed have been deserving of their deaths."

"Don't you dare," you growled, [E/C] eyes sparking with anger. "Don't you dare tell me our brothers and sisters deserved their deaths! They were warriors! They were following orders!"

"But those orders were wrong, [Y/N]. If those orders had succeeded, then things would've turned out very differently to what they are now," he argued.

"If those orders had been carried out, _I_ would still be in Heaven with everyone else, and _you_ wouldn't be following these two idiots around like a lost puppy!" you snapped. You were starting to despise even the _thought_ of the brothers now more than you had before. They'd changed Castiel, and you were pretty sure it wasn't for the best, either.

"Sam and Dean would be dead if it weren't for orders not being followed," Castiel said. "The Angels that attacked them _deserved_ their deaths for trying to force things upon them that they didn't want nor deserve. The Angels that tried to kill them deserved their deaths."

"So if I were to attack and try to kill these Winchesters, I would be deserving of death?" you asked, raising an eyebrow. Castiel hesitated for a moment.

He nodded. "Yes."

"Goodbye, Castiel," you said. You'd heard enough already. With a shake of your head, you turned around and started to walk away.

"[Y/N] wait!" Castiel called. You could hear him coming after you, but you intended to ignore him. You growled under your breath in annoyance when his gentle but firm hold could be felt on your arm. He gently pulled you to a stop, moving to stand in front of you, his trench coat swaying around his calves. "Please, [Y/N], just give them a chance. They are good people. You'll understand if you just hear them out and see what they do, I promise."

"No, Castiel. I want nothing to do with them. They are the reason everything is happening the way it is in the first place, and I want no part in it," you said stubbornly, pulling your bag up onto your shoulder properly.

" _Please_ , [Y/N], do this as a favour to me. I will be in your debt if you will just give this a chance and hear us out. Please," he said, bright blue eyes the most sincere you'd seen in a long time. "We all called you the _Angel of good hearts_ for a reason, [Y/N]. You were always the one to find the best in people. Let me show you the best in someone for a change."

You stayed silent for a moment, weighing up your options. On one hand, you could continue to have nothing to do with this and guarantee your safety until you get to Heaven again. A second option is to just go with him, take the opportunity presented and smite the Winchesters, being done with them once and for all. The third option was to just hear them all out and try to find the good in these men, like you usually would.

Castiel's crystal eyes were begging you silently, pleading to be heard and trusted again. You hadn't seen him for so long, and you did miss him more than any of the others. You didn't want to fight with him. You hated fighting with him, and it had been that way for as long as you could remember. Castiel was one of the first male Angels you'd ever come into contact with when you were growing up, and you two somehow became close, though your duties always lay separately. Whenever Gabriel or Balthazar used to be around, they'd tease you about how close you were to Castiel, and they meant it all in good fun.

You felt a fire burning with rage in the pit of your stomach at the mere thought of the Archangel and the Hoarder. You'd always wondered what became of the two of them after they'd disappeared from Heaven. Gabriel had just up and vanished, but Balthazar had died in battle, or so it had been said. He'd been in Castiel's garrison the entire time they'd been warriors. They were good friends. To hear they'd both turned up on Earth, only to be killed later on devastated you. To hear they'd been killed in a situation involving the Winchesters had only infuriated you.

You knew, though, that there was no use in being angry about it. Your fallen brothers and sisters would not want that for you, and you needed an excuse to be angry with people to. You were never angry or vengeful towards people unless they'd done something directly to you, or that had directly affected you in some way. The only way the Winchester brothers had affected you, was by causing you grief over the loss of the Angels they'd killed or been part of killing.

With a sigh, you nodded your head. Castiel's eyes seemed to light up like a thousand stars in the night sky.

"You'll give us a chance?" he asked, voice filled with hope again.

"I'm giving _you_ a chance, Castiel," you said gently, stroking his stubbly jaw with your fingertips. "You've never often let me down before."

"I won't let you down, [Y/N], I promise. This will be worth it," he said, taking hold of your hand and pulling you back the way you'd tried to run from before.

"Be warned, Castiel, I won't hesitate to smite the both of them if I feel it is necessary," you said lowly.

"I know," Castiel said, his tone more than brushing aside your words. There was a silent warning of his own there. He would fight you to protect these two, but that was a risk you knew you'd need to take if you ever wanted Castiel to be the Angel he used to be once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't have a set direction this is going in so far. For the time being, I'm just improvising it and seeing how it goes until I figure out a solid plot line for it. At this point, it's just forever changing. xD


	3. III

Things between the two of you stayed quiet and pretty tense the entire walk back to where Castiel had left his human friends. You could've flown quite easily, were your wings not in tatters with little strength left in them. You also wanted to spend as much time away from these two men as you could, and Castiel respected that, albeit reluctantly.

You'd been working on building strength in your wings again as much and as often as you could, but you were struggling to see progress. The fall had destroyed them and it had been so long since you'd been in Heaven, that you feared they may never repair to what they once were. Castiel's were in a similar state, if not worse, and that upset you. Castiel's wings always fascinated you because they were so unique and so beautiful.

It was near an almost empty diner on the other side of the town centre that Castiel lead you to. He informed you that his friends had wanted to stop for food before they continued their journey doing whatever it was they were doing on top of helping Castiel. You felt uneasy as you looked around the parking lot. It was usual for the place to be almost empty on a Wednesday, but that's exactly why you felt uneasy. Less people around to prevent possible conflict. The Winchesters may be idiots, but they're smart, and you knew that.

"This is where you said you'd meet them?" you asked.

"This is where they said they'd be when I was ready to move on from this place," he corrected. You rolled your eyes. He'd always been so exact about what people have said. At least that about him hadn't changed.

There were only three cars sat in the parking lot of the diner; a light blue Ford, a red Voyager, and a black Impala. By the way Castiel was leant casually against the Impala, you could only assume that it belonged to his human friends. You'd always heard that this was their vehicle of choice, but you never wanted to believe it until you could somehow be sure for yourself. It's how you'd always been; you never believed anything until you found proof for yourself. That is the way you'd managed to survive being amongst humans for so long.

Eventually, there was movement, but you felt suspicion rise in your stomach when only one brother appeared.

"Man, we talked about you leaning on my car!" the man complained. Castiel muttered an apology and pushed away from the Impala. The man was just slightly taller than Castiel, and had blonde-brown hair that sat in neat, curved spikes on his head. It was far neater than Castiel's, that's for sure. He was wearing a black t-shirt with a blue and red plaid over shirt. His jeans had tears in the knees and his dark brown boots were a little muddy.

"I think your brother has also spoken to you of your consumption of substantial amounts of pie," Castiel commented. You raised your eyebrow. It was not every day that you witnessed Castiel talking back to someone like that.

"Yeah, well, he can shove it," the man commented, rolling his own eyes. He finally looked at you after dropping his bag into the backseat of his car. "Who's this?"

"This is [Y/N]," Castiel said. You gave a polite smile when the man was analysing you. He nodded.

"This is [Y/N]," he repeated. "Shorter than I expected."

"Everyone's short compared to you," Castiel said. The man shrugged, grinning lightly. Castiel looked at you. "[Y/N], this is Dean Winchester."

"Pleasure," you said stiffly.

"Who shoved a stick up your ass?" Dean snorted. You scowled.

"Dean," Castiel scolded.

"What?" the human exclaimed defensively.

"You and your brother _do_ happen to have a bad reputation amongst Angels, you know," Castiel pointed out. "She almost didn't come with me because I was with you and Sam."

"Then it would've been her choice, not yours," Dean said with a shrug. "We're not exactly popular with you guys. Like you said, we have a reputation. If people wanna stay away, then that's fine, no skin off my bones."

"Where is Sam?" Castiel asked, completely averting the subject, having sensed your irritation. Dean frowned.

"Doing something real freaking stupid," Dean sighed, glancing around the area. You tensed up, suddenly on alert by the change in the air.

"Dean.." Castiel said slowly.

"What? We didn't know who the Hell it was! [S/he] could've been a [boy/girl] for all I know!" Dean said, throwing his arms up dramatically.

"Just get Sam here before he messes this up," Castiel said. Dean nodded, pulling his phone from his pocket and quickly dialling a number. You tensed up when you heard something ringing the other side of the car that was behind you. You spun around in time to see a really tall man coming at you with an angel blade, and you snarled, letting your own blade drop to your hand from your sleeve.

"Sammy wait!" Dean exclaimed. Sam wouldn't listen, though. He kept trying to attack you.

"Sam, stop!" Castiel snapped. He still wouldn't listen. It didn't take you long to disarm Sam and pin him to the red car that he'd been hiding behind.

"What the Hell do you think you're doing?" you growled, pressing the point of your own blade to his throat.

"[Y/N], let him go!" Castiel said, pulling you away from him. You growled at the other Angel, leaning down to pick up the blade Sam had dropped. "Please, I can explain."

"Explain what, exactly?" you asked, absolutely furious with him for this. "Why the Winchester's have possession of an Angel blade? Why I was just attacked? Why I was spoken down to?"

"They meant nothing by it," Castiel defended. You snorted. "They didn't realise that it was you. They thought you were someone else."

"Do they always judge people on how they look?" you asked.

"Not usually," Castiel said, sending a glare in Sam's direction. Sam seemed to shrink down a little, straightening himself up and moving around you both to stand with his brother. Sam was quite a bit taller than Dean, you observed. You shook your head, stepping back from Castiel as you tucked both blades away in your purse.

"Goodbye, Castiel," you said quietly, turning to walk away. Castiel's hand caught your elbow, stopping you from walking away.

"[Y/N], please, just give me a moment to explain," he pleaded. You shook your head, pulling yourself away from him then looking at him for a minute.

"You've had your moment and you've wasted it," you said. "I will not stand here and have every word of them proven right to me. I will not risk my life like that." Sam and Dean shared a look, then looked back over at you, frowning slightly. Were they unaware of what had been said of them amongst the hosts of Heaven?

"[Y/N]-"

" _No._ " You were angry now. You didn't often get angry, but when you did, it was for a very good reason. "I gave this a chance, Castiel. I came here to give them a chance because you asked me to. I gave them a chance for _you_ and they blew it before you'd even introduced me to Sam. They cannot be trusted, and you are nothing but a fool for sticking with them. They're reckless and dangerous to all creatures, good and bad. I will not stand here any longer than I already have, just to have them run me through with a blade that shouldn't even be in their possession in the first place!"

"Please don't go, [Y/N], they won't do it again," Castiel said, a hint of begging in his tone.

"I'm not taking that risk," you said, sighing as you shook your head. "Goodbye, Castiel."

Castiel remained silent as he watched you walk away before turning to the brothers to take his anger and frustration out on them. You didn't stick around to see how that'd play out. You just kept walking, hearing their voices getting quieter as the distance got bigger. Eventually, their voices died down completely. You stayed silent as you made your way home, letting the thoughts and events of today swirl around wildly in your head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a side note so people know, I'm using [s/he] when talking about the reader character because I am aware that there might be some readers on this site that use both genders to talk about themselves, or there just might be a couple of guys on here too that are hugely into Cas and stuff. So I'm making it better fitting for all possibilities here. So yeah. Enjoy all. ^-^


	4. IV

It was another month before you saw Castiel again. You'd stayed off for those two weeks you'd taken the day you first spotted him outside the salon, and you spent that time alone, thinking things over and trying to decide what to do from here.

You still couldn't believe those damn Winchesters had tried to attack you like that. Castiel had assured you they wouldn't and you'd believed him. You'd believed those hunters could be trusted, even if only for a brief moment. You shook your head in disgust with yourself every time you had that thought. Sam and Dean Winchester _cannot_ be trusted. You knew that for definite now. All rumours and words of other Angels had been proven true. Why they kept Castiel around, you'd never know, but part of you didn't want to find out.

You went back to work as usual once your two weeks were over, and Tammy had been your first client, wanting all the latest gossip since you hadn't seen her in two weeks. You were glad to have your friend's presence again. She calmed you in a way no one would ever understand. She was your best friend, and you were thankful every day for her being there.

"So what was up with you the other week?" Tammy asked around her chewing gum as she sat back and let you touch up the blonde in her hair. "And don't say it was just your week off, because I saw Stacy-Jay out in the bar the same night and she said she'd been to you for a touch up on her blue."

"She can't keep a secret, can she?" You sighed, shaking your head. "It was nothing, Tammy, I promise. I just didn't feel right, so I took the day and my two weeks to pull myself together again."

"It's more than that. I know you, [Y/N], and I've known you for a long time. There's more to this story that you're not telling me," she insisted. Sometimes her knowing you this well was a curse, and others, it was a blessing. "Was it someone or something? If someone's said something to you, I'm going to kick seven kinds of shit out of them-"

"Tammy, please," you chuckled softly, resting a reassuring hand on your friend's shoulder as you shook your head. You gave a light squeeze, and she slumped down, relaxing again. "I just saw an old friend of mine that I haven't seen in years because of a fight we had. It stirred me up quite a lot and I couldn't focus."

"This friend... they didn't give you shit, did they?" Tammy asked. You shook your head again when she looked at you through the mirror.

"No, Tamitha, he didn't," you lied, your tone so convincing and full of promise and assurance that she believed you. This was the first lie you'd ever told Tamitha outside of the Angel thing. You hated this, but you swore that these were the only lies ever to be told. She didn't deserve to be dragged into anything she didn't need to be a part of. It'd never be safe enough for that to happen. You'd never forgive yourself if you lost her or she got hurt because of knowing things she shouldn't ever know.

Once her hair was done an hour later, she made you promise to go for coffee with her on your next day off so you could both catch up properly. Of course, she'd use that as an excuse to talk to you more of the day she seemed to figure out, and you really didn't want to talk about that, but you knew she wouldn't leave it alone until she was satisfied with an explanation, so you just started to mentally prepare yourself for it, and for the pep talk you were fully aware she'd give you after. Your lie was that you'd argued with Castiel, and she was going to try and convince you to talk to him and work it all out. She'd also start assuming you had a thing for him. You rolled your eyes at the thought. You definitely _did not_ have a thing for Castiel.

~*~*~

It was that following morning when you knew that wasn't the last you'd hear of Castiel and his human pets, and the first sign of that had been the tall man with long brown hair walking into the salon, talking briefly to Chrissy on the front desk, who directed him over to you.

"[Y/N], right?" he asked.

"Leave me alone," you said coldly, ignoring him in favour of preparing your workspace for your client. "I thought I made it perfectly clear that I want nothing more to do with any of you."

"I know, but if you know me and my brother at all from what you've seen and heard, you know we don't listen," Sam said. You scowled at him. "I'm really sorry about what happened when we met. It shouldn't've happened, but it did and I feel bad. If it makes you feel any better, Dean's still mad at me, and Cas only bothers with me when he needs to."

"It doesn't make me feel better in the slightest, but you deserve every second of the shit they're giving you," you said. "I need you to leave so I can do my job, and you can tell Castiel that this was a nice try, but I'm done with him."

"I don't-"

"I'm not an idiot," you snapped, spinning to face him for the first time since he came over to your space. "You and your brother have far more worrying problems to think of. If you and him had the choice, you wouldn't be bothering to look for us, let alone coming back here to give me grief to try to guilt me into going back. I won't. I'm done with all three of you."

You shot a pleading look past Sam's bulky body, and Chrissy caught your eye, frowning as she nodded and reached beneath the desk. It was a button rarely used, but it had been installed after the last incident that landed one of your co-workers in hospital for a month with serious nerve damage from a stab wound to the thigh. The button called to the security team in the convenience store next door.

"Just give him a chance. He thought he could trust us to trust him for once, but we didn't. We fucked up and it was our fault. Don't take this out on Cas," Sam pleaded. You shook your head.

"Goodbye, Sam," you said.

"[Y/N] please," he said.

"Is there a problem here?" You physically sagged in relief when Chrissy walked over with the bulky security dude from next door. Jeff was bulkier than Sam, and Sam physically backed down.

"No, I was just leaving," the long-haired man said, giving one last pleading look to you before leaving. Jeff escorted him out, waiting around in the doorway until he was sure he wouldn't come back.

"Are you alright, [Y/N]?" he called over. You smiled thankfully, nodding and giving him the thumbs up.

"Thanks Jeff," you said. "I owe you a coffee!"

"I'll be waiting in my office," he chuckled, waving as he left to go back to the store.

"What was that about?" Chrissy asked, frowning worriedly as she quickly checked you over.

"It's nothing, Chrissy, just some guy an old friend keeps sending to harass me instead of sucking it up and talking to me himself," you excused.

"I'm sorry, [Y/N], if I'd known I wouldn't have sent him over," Chrissy apologised, guilt and regret written all over her face. You shook your head, pulling her into a gentle hug before pulling back and giving her cheek a gentle kiss.

"You didn't know, and that's the point, you just thought it was someone I was friends or family to, so you acted accordingly," you assured her. "I'm not mad, Christina, I promise. You got me out of it just as quickly as you dropped me in, and I'm thankful for that. Honestly? I'm frightened of what he might've done."

"Even in a place like this?" she asked, frowning. You nodded.

"Even in a place like this."

"God, [Y/N] I could've gotten you hurt," she sighed, brushing her fingers back through her short red hair. You just brushed her off, finishing preparing your station as your client walked in, bright eyed and bushy tailed. You smiled brightly in greeting, shaking his hand before having him take a seat.

"Stop fretting and get back to the desk. Someone's waiting, Chrissy," you said, pointing subtly. She huffed a soft laugh, smiling in disbelief as she shook her head.

"I'll get his description out to Jeff's team when I've seen to this client, and I'll have him put someone on door duty to keep an eye out. I won't have you hurt, [Y/N]," she said stubbornly. You just smiled thankfully. "Anyone else I need to keep away from here?"

You almost said no, but then you remembered Sam's older brother, who'd be even more determined than Sam to get you to talk to Cas, only Dean would be more of an asshole about it.

"Yes. His brother," you said. Chrissy had a frown on her face as you described Dean to her, but she nodded, taking it all into her head before sweeping away to get on with her job, apologising to the client as she approached, briefly excusing the delay with a brief explanation.

"You alright?" your client asked. "Whatever's happening doesn't sound good."

"It's alright, honest. Just a little stalker trouble. I'm okay though, I promise," you assured him, a friendly smile on your face.

"Well alright, but if I've gotta kick some pretty boy ass to make sure you're safe, you give me a call young [lady/man], you understand me?" You chuckled softly, nodding your head obediently. For someone brushing seventy-five years old, Morgan was always so full of life and promises.

"Loud and clear, honey," you promised, getting to work on re-colouring the grey that was showing through the brown.

~*~*~

It was chilly when you finished work that evening. You wrapped your jacket tightly around you, pulling your bag onto your shoulder more firmly. You'd been met with Jeff when you were clearing your station up for the night, and he'd offered to walk you home to make sure you were safe, but you'd turned him down, telling him to head home to his family because you weren't sure how much longer you'd be. He was reluctant, but at your insistence, he left to go back to his wife and children.

Nothing happened while you were walking home. The walk was like any other night, peaceful, aside from the music playing quietly through the plugs sat in your ears. You only ever had music playing quietly so you could still hear what was going on around you. It was a habit you'd adapted pretty quickly after almost being mugged the first time you truly started to blend in as a human. That night had been the night you'd properly met Tammy's brother. She'd been on crutches, coming out of her brother's cafe, and she'd beaten six kinds of shit out of your attempted mugger while her brother called the cops. You'd immediately knew he was a man to be trusted and befriend, and you never stopped thanking him for saving you that night after Tammy gave the mugger the initial beating.

Nothing happened while you made your way up the stairs to your apartment, but you were angry and a little worried to find Dean Winchester sat on your couch with his brother stood behind him, leant against the couch, and Castiel stood across the room.

"Do you always finish late?" Dean asked. "I saw a few of your co-workers leaving a couple hours ago."

"Dean," Sam said, a warning tone to his voice.

"I don't know what you're doing in here, but I'm asking you politely only once to leave before I call the cops, and I'm pretty sure they'd _love_ to hear news of the Winchester brothers still out in the world, waiting to be arrested and thrown in prison for the rest of their miserable lives," you said, surprising yourself with how calm you were being. Dean's expression darkened, and you felt a sense of urgency and alertness coming from Castiel as he turned to watch the two of you glaring it out.

"Sorry, kid, but I'm sick of Cas moping around because you're pissed at him because of what me and Sam did. You gotta talk to him, and I'm stayin' right here until you do," Dean said, settling himself on your couch. You scowled, pulling your phone from your bag.

"I told you [s/he] would not appreciate us breaking into her home, Dean," Castiel said angrily.

"No, [s/he] damn well doesn't!" you snapped, dialling nine-one-one. You let out a short scream as your thumb moved to hit call, turning your head to see the bullet hole now sat in your apartment door. You looked back at the brothers with wide eyes. Sam was glaring at Dean, who sat with a gun in his hand.

"Dean!" Sam exclaimed.

" These won't kill you, but they do hurt a lot." He paused. "Don't make stupid mistakes, princess, I'm not the kinda guy you fuck with," Dean said casually.

"Dean," Castiel warned. With tears beginning to form in your eyes, and a betrayed glance over at Castiel, you hit call on your phone and held it to your ear. "[Y/N] please!"

"Hello? I-I need the cops right away. There's three men in my apartment, and once of them has a gun, he just shot a hole in the door trying to shoot my phone from my hand," you said into the receiver. Dean groaned in frustration, tucking his gun away and getting up. You stepped aside, not wanting to be in his way as he and Sam quickly left. He paused in the doorway, narrowing his bright green eyes at you dangerously.

"This isn't over," he warned. You blinked, and he turned and left. Castiel stuck around, watching you with the shock of the situation written all over his face as you described Sam, Dean and then Castiel to the cops after alerting them that two of the men had left.

When you finally hung up the phone, you could hear sirens approaching in the distance. You dropped your phone down onto the coffee table with your bag, and looked at Castiel. His expression was difficult to read now against all the emotion that was swirling in his dim blue eyes. The blue in his eyes used to be so bright, but now it was dim and damn near lifeless.

"[Y/N], why won't you just talk to me?" he asked quietly.

"Why are you letting your human pets stalk me and try to hurt me?" you snapped back, tears beginning to slowly slip down your face.

"Understand that I didn't ask them to do this. I asked them to come with me because they're good with words and I was hoping they could talk you into letting me explain myself, because I know you're mad at me and even back in Heaven, you'd not talk to the people you were mad at for months, sometimes even _years._ I didn't want that to be us. I care about you, [Y/N]. I care very much," Castiel said. You could hear the sirens outside now.

"I think you best leave before they get up here," you said quietly. With a soft sigh, Castiel nodded. In a flutter of broken wings, Castiel was gone.

Your tears began to fall faster when the realisation washed over you. You collapsed onto the couch as the cops started to walk into the room, and sobs started to wrack your body. Castiel wouldn't have stopped the Winchester's killing you, if that's what they'd intended to do. He wouldn't have even stopped them harming you, as he'd always promised to do against anyone who ever tried it.

You were an Angel of the Lord, yet here you were, sobbing to a police officer because Dean Winchester had almost shot you to stop you calling the cops. You'd once been one of the most powerful Angels in the Garrison, and now you were weak, broken and powerless. You still had your grace, but it was fragile and had been since the fall. You didn't dare use it except for the little you used to hide your true identity in fear it would shatter and leave you with nothing. You didn't know if it would ever restore itself to its former glory, but it was a hope you held onto. One of the only hopes you had living in this world.

With the description of the brothers and the Angel, though they didn't know he was an Angel, the cops left you alone for the night and made sure you were okay to get some rest. There were officers that would stick around the building for the night to make sure you were safe and no one else in the building got hurt, and other cops on their night shift were out searching for as long as they deemed reasonable, trying to spot the men that needed arresting.

The cops advised that you call a friend over to keep you company just in case they somehow slipped past the security and got in, but you didn't want to worry anyone at this hour, so you didn't make a call. You just made sure your doors and windows were locked tight, and you made your way to your room to sleep it all away in hopes it was just a bad dream.


	5. V

Tammy was at your apartment the following morning faster than flies on a freshly laid pile of shit. She'd been driving past your apartment building to head to work when she'd spotted the police cars outside. Upon taking a detour into the parking lot to ask what was going on, she'd informed the officers she knows you before running up six flights of stairs instead of waiting for the elevator. You were just grabbing your coat and keys when she'd stumbled into the room. She'd immediately demanded to know what was wrong, and unable to lie to her anymore, you told her what had happened. Or at least what you told the police. It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the full truth either.

After that, Tammy insisted she turn around and drive you into town for work after calling ahead to her boss and promising an explanation of her late arrival when she got there. You hadn't wanted to bother her with the stress and hassle, but she'd insisted and wouldn't go anywhere until you'd agreed. You appreciated her for it, though. She just wanted to know you'd be safe.

This continued for a couple of days. Tammy would leave early after that first day to pick you up and get you to work, or at least to the store next door until the salon opened up, and then she'd leave to head to work herself with a promise of kicking your ass if you didn't call her when you were leaving the salon, then again when you got home.

Your door had been replaced by the city council the morning after you'd found the hunters and the angel in your apartment. You'd just left with Tammy to go to work when they'd arrived to fit it. They also fitted new locks and a security system for you. You hated that this was happening, because for two years, you'd had no problems whatsoever, yet here you were, fearing for your life because of the Winchesters trying to force you into talking with Castiel and forgiving him for what he'd done.

But really, what had he done? While he was still in Heaven before all the nightmares with the two brothers began, he'd been nothing but gentle and kind, loyal and honest. Now he was loyal to the wrong men, and he lied, and his kindness and gentle nature had melted away. But you weren't angry with him for that. He'd been used, and pushed around, and surely that meant he'd been pushed into this? No, that's not why you were angry with him.

The possible answers churned over and over in your mind over the days that came and went, but still nothing would settle as the valid reason for your anger towards this angel. Castiel had always done what was best for everyone he felt close to, even if that was sometimes the wrong thing to do. He rebelled against Heaven to protect his human pets; no, not pets. _Friends._ He went against everything he'd ever been taught, and everything he'd ever believed in, just to prevent them coming to harm in any way. He was always there to pick up the pieces for them, and to make sure they didn't get killed. No, you hadn't _seen_ any of this happening, but you'd heard word spreading among your brothers and sisters when he'd began his fall from grace.

That still didn't answer the question of your anger.

You thought back to the Great Fall, and how you'd lost many of your brothers and sisters that night. You thought back to how alone you'd felt sat in the sand, cold, wet and broken. You thought back to the year it took you to adjust to living among humans, and then to the two years of your life as one of them; a hairdresser in Kansas City, Missouri. You thought back to the moment you saw Castiel through the window of the salon, and the immediate realisation of _someone finally found me_ , and your mind came crashing to a halt.

You weren't angry with Castiel because of who he'd become, or because of his fall, or for any other reason you'd tried to pin. No, you were angry with Castiel because he took so long to find you, and the entire time, you hadn't even known he'd been looking. At last, you had your reason, and as you dropped your sandwich wrapper into the trash by the cafe door, your anger started to melt away. You didn't want to fight with Castiel anymore. You wanted to be his friend again, just as you had been in Heaven all those years ago. You wanted to trust him again, and you wanted him to trust you.

With a small smile on your face, and a gentle sigh passing through your lips, you shook your head at your own senselessness and made your way back to work before your lunch break was up so you could prepare your station for your next client. It was at that moment that you decided to give up the fight before it got further than it already had. Your life was in danger now because you'd been so daft, and you weren't willing to get hurt because of this. Unnecessary anger pushed aside, you decided it was time you talked to Castiel again.

~*~*~

You were escorted home that night, as you had been since the incident got to the people in the salon, and once you were locked tight in your room with your yoga pants and your baggy shirt and cardigan on, you did the one thing you hadn't done in almost three years. You prayed.

"Castiel, if you're still able to hear my prayers, I ask you to forgive my actions of our past few meetings," you began unsurely, beginning to question why you were doing this. "I ask you to come here, without your friends, to talk. I want your forgiveness for how I've acted, and I want to hear you talk without the need of promises of my safety. Please, Castiel."

"[Y/N]." You turned around, smiling almost shyly and guiltily. Castiel stood watching you, head tilted to the side curiously. "I heard you praying. What's wrong?"

"Nothing! Nothing, I just-" you cut yourself off, sighing softly as Castiel cautiously approached, sitting beside you on the couch. "Everything is wrong, Castiel."

"That is... not helpful," he said, you cracked a small smile, daring to look at him. His eyes were still so blue, and you knew you could easily get lost in them if you let yourself. "You haven't prayed since the fall, [Y/N], what made you do it now?"

"I needed to talk to you without Sam and Dean hovering around with guns and a solid, unspoken threat to kill me or at least hurt me if I don't," you began.

"You're speaking with me because of what they did the other night?" Castiel asked.

"No!" You said quickly. "Well, yes, sort of. But I'm also speaking with you because I want to, Castiel. I need to. I need to apologise in person for the way I acted, and I need to ask you for your forgiveness."

Castiel shook his head, giving you a sheepish smile. "You have nothing to apologise for. If anyone has something to apologise for, it's me. I shouldn't have made you come with me to meet Sam and Dean like that. Not without knowing for certain that they wouldn't try to hurt you. That wasn't fair, and it was poor judgement. I would never have put you in danger like that before we fell, so I shouldn't have put you in danger here."

"It's okay, Castiel, you didn't know they'd do that," you said. "You thought they'd trust you."

"I was wrong," Castiel admitted.

"Why are you still helping them, Castiel? You don't owe them a thing," you said.

"I know," Castiel sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. "But they have the means of tracking other Angels much faster than me. That's how I found you. They had a hunt in the next town over and they'd got wind that there were angels here somewhere. You were the one they found."

"You took so long to find me, Castiel, were you even searching?" you asked quietly.

"Of course I was. I've been searching for as many angels as I can possibly find. That's why Sam and Dean are helping me, and in return, I'm helping them on their hunts," Castiel told you. You sighed.

"You shouldn't owe them anything like that, Castiel. If they were truly your friends, they should help you on that notion alone. You have more important things to worry about than chasing them around and helping them kill things that don't pay mind to the angels," you said.

"It's not that simple anymore, [Y/N], and surely you know that," he said.

"I know nothing of hunting, or of hunters and what they hunt for. I stayed out of that for a reason. I chose to spend my life guiding souls so I could stay away from the pointless wars everyone seemed to get involved in," you said. "So no, Castiel, I don't know that."

"I'm sorry," he said. You looked away, fighting back the thousands of emotions swimming in your eyes at his words. You couldn't decide if this conversation had been pointless or not yet, but at least you knew he forgave you. At least, you think he did.

The two of you sat in silence for a minute or two before he stood and straightened out the trench coat he was wearing.

"Where are you staying now?" you asked, feeling guilt hit you when you remembered you'd given his description to the police.

"I'm in the next State over with Sam and Dean. In Kansas. We fled the night Dean shot the hole in your door," he informed you.

"I'm sorry you had to flee with them," you said. "I was just scared, y'know? He could've hurt me. It wouldn't have killed me, I know, but then it also might have."

"What do you mean? They were just regular bullets. They're harmless to angels," Castiel said, frowning. You shook your head.

"I've not been using my grace, Castiel," you confessed. Castiel's frown grew.

"What?"

"I haven't been using my grace. It's so fragile now that I fear if I use it, I'll shatter it completely. My wings are already beyond repair... I don't want to lose my grace, too. The little of it that I do use is what hides my true form and keeps my vessel together while [s/he] finishes the long, dragged out process of healing," you told him, realising a little that you were rambling. Castiel sighed gently, approaching you again. You hadn't realised you'd stood up until he was stood in front of you. His hand came to rest gently on your cheek. His skin was rough, but it was warm. You enjoyed his touch, leaning into it a little and closing your eyes. You felt his thumb brush beneath your eye, along your cheekbone, then his voice filled your ears again.

"You should have prayed to me sooner, [Y/N], I would have helped you," he told you. His other hand rest on your forehead, then a warmth filled your body. You gasped quietly, feeling your vessel healing over at last. Some of your grace shifted inside you, knitting itself back together, and you felt some of your exhaustion fading away. "I care very much for you, [Y/N]. I don't want to see you hurting."

"Thank you," you murmured, opening your eyes to look at him when he pulled his hand away from your forehead. He smiled softly, and you returned it. You knew in that moment that things between you and Castiel would be okay now, so long as the Winchester brothers stayed out of the way.

"I will leave you in peace now," Castiel said, stepping away from you. You bit back the noise of protest building in your throat at the loss of his warm hand on your cheek. "And I will speak to Sam and Dean about what they did. It was wrong of them to try and force your hand like that."

"Will I see you again?" you found yourself asked. He smiled again.

"I will come whenever you call for me," he promised. You smiled, nodding your head. "Goodnight, [Y/N]."

"Goodnight," you said, listening to the flutter of his wings as he left your apartment. You sighed quietly, going through the nightly routine you'd given yourself before going to bed, feeling a great weight lifting from your shoulders.


	6. VI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I'm still very surprised people are even reading this, let alone leaving kudos and such, wow. Thank you all so much. I'm glad I'm doing some kind of justice to this kind of writing. I don't usually writer reader-insert stories, but this one is turning out pretty well so far.  
>  Please keep leaving kudos and comments, it means a lot to me. <3_

After talking things over with Castiel, you felt much lighter, and that feeling stayed with you for the days that followed. Every couple of days, Castiel would drop into your apartment around the time you were due to get home so he could check on you. You told him he didn't need to check on you as often as he did, but he said he felt guilty for not finding you sooner so he could check on you and make sure you were safe. This was his way of making it up to you and feeling better about everything, so you eventually stopped arguing with him about it.

You didn't see or hear from the Winchester brothers at all in the weeks that followed. They used their common sense and stayed out of the city to avoid being arrested again, and they got on with their job without harassing other Angels. You were glad about this. They were the last people you wanted to be seeing around again.

Tammy made sure the two of you had your coffee date to catch up on the afternoon you had off, and you told her about Castiel; how he'd been your friend for years and you both cared a lot about each other. Tammy put the pieces together and figured out that Castiel was the guy that had been the reason you'd taken the random week off a couple of months ago. You just smiled and admitted it. From that moment, Tammy used every opportunity she could to tease you about it.

Today was no exception to that.

"So when are you gonna see this Castiel again?" she asked as she walked you back to work after your break.

"I don't know, Tammy, he's a busy guy," you told her, pushing open the door to the salon.

She snorted in response, leaning in the doorway. "Yeah, and I'm the freaking Queen of England."

"See, now I don't think you're quite posh enough for that role, Tam," you teased lightly. She raised an eyebrow. "And you don't even like tea! You'd be an awful Brit!"

"Well excuse you!" she exclaimed, a look of mock outrage on her face. You grinned, making your way to your station to set up for your next client. Tammy followed you in, clearly having not finished this conversation yet.

"Tam, I'm working, we'll argue about how you suck at being British later," you told her, still grinning. She punched you in the shoulder, making you laugh. "Ow! That was rude, Tammy."

"You deserve it, asswipe," she huffed.

"Tamitha, are you harassing my staff again?" Christine asked, a playful smile on her face as she came over from the desk.

"No, no, not at all," Tam defended, holding her hands up. "Just giving her a taste of her own medicine actually."

"Why? What did she do?" Christine asked.

"Told me I'd suck at being British," Tam complained.

"Ooh, in fairness on her part, Tam, you would make an awful Brit," Christine said, grinning when Tam glared.

"Fuck the both of you," she scoffed, straightening herself out. "I'm going back to work. Screw you guys."

"Tammy," you laughed, watching her go. "There's children around to hear your bad language!"

"I'm done with you guys!" she called back, making her way out. She disappeared out of sight for a moment, then poked her head around again to wave goodbye. You and Christine waved goodbye before looking at each other and sharing a moment of laughter.

You enjoyed your life blending in with the humans. You had good friends, a home, a job and an experience no one could ever take away from you. You valued this more than anything in the world. Then all so swiftly, your life became complicated all over again.

Your shift had been finished for the day, and you were walking home. You'd stopped being escorted a couple of weeks ago now, and the police had stopped monitoring your apartment building all the time. They were sure you wouldn't be bothered again, but you had a panic button in your apartment that'd set off an alarm if they appeared again. You also had an alarm system that would trigger whoever was on patrol locally at the time. This meant you were independent again, and you were alone when you stepped through the gates of the apartment grounds.

There was a man leaning against your building. In the darkening light, you couldn't really see who it was, but he was tall, that much you could tell just by the way he was leaning.

"Are you alright over there?" you called, against your better judgement. It was when he looked up, then stood upright that you recognised who he is. You cussed to yourself under your breath, sighing and aiming to walk right past him. His hand gently caught your arm, and you paused.

"[Y/N], hey," he said.

"What do you want, Sam?" you asked. "I thought you were staying out of this city to avoid getting arrested."

"That's why it's me here, not Dean," he reasoned. "And the cops have pushed the case aside. If they see us, they'll deal with us, if they don't, they won't worry about it. So I came back because I wanted to talk to you."

"About?" you questioned. Sam bit his lip, glancing around.

"You mind if I come inside?" he asked. You narrowed your eyes. "I'm not going to try anything. I'm not an idiot, [Y/N], I know you could easily have me arrested if I tried anything. You're an Angel, and I'm weapon-less."

"I doubt that very much. You and your brother _always_ have a weapon handy," you accused. Sam shook his head.

" _Dean_ always has a weapon regardless of a situation. If I want a civil conversation with someone, I go in weapon-less. Usually he's around for backup, but he's not this time because he's in far more trouble than I am because he's been arrested more than I have," he explained. You frowned.

"How does that work?" you asked. "From the stories I hear, you two are never far from one another, even when the cops are involved."

"That's just stories, [Y/N]," he told you with a slight shrug. "Sometimes we are apart for a variety of reasons, and sometimes he's more likely to be in trouble than me for a variety of reasons."

"So he's basically the asshole of the two of you," you said bluntly. Sam chuckled softly, bringing a small smile to your face.

"Yeah, he basically is," he agreed. With a soft sigh, you nodded your head.

"Alright. Come up. Just don't make a dick of yourself and keep it down in case my neighbours hear you," you said. He smiled, pushing all of the silent thanks into the expression as he nodded. You sighed again, unlocking the door with your code and making your way inside to the elevator, Sam following behind you after closing the door behind him.

"Pretty decent block," Sam commented. "Usually apartment blocks like this look like shit."

"Yeah, I've seen a few shitty ones," you chuckled in response. "But as the people who live here, me and everyone else makes an effort to keep it clean and neat. We pick up any litter left, and if something needs repairing, we'll all get it done with what we have or what we can afford. The landlord is always willing to help us out, too. He makes sure the grounds stay clear and hires people to fix problems outside when they arise."

"I've never known a landlord in a place like this to do that. It's impressive," Sam said. You nodded.

"One of the elderly neighbours was telling me when I first moved in here a couple of years back that it never used to look like this," you told him, stepping into the elevator when it finally came down from the top floor. "It used to look like one of the shit places, and it was seen as a health hazard, so the city council threatened to shut the place down. The landlord opened his eyes to the disasters at that point, because he realised so many people would be homeless if this place was closed down. So, with help from everyone living in the apartments, it was cleaned up and brought to glory. I moved in here a year and a half later, got told how things worked around here, and I've played my part ever since."

"That's really good of you," Sam complimented, following you out when you got to your floor. "It's nice to see a place looking so tidy for a change."

"I was blessed to have been told about this place. I could've been living in a dump," you huffed, unlocking your door and slipping inside to shut off the alarm system, leaving Sam to close the door behind him. You saw him glancing around when you came back from the hall that your system was in. You watched him curiously for a second, motioning for him to sit down when he looked at you.

"It's a really nice place," Sam complimented. You smiled in thanks.

"You want a drink? I don't drink beer, but I can probably find something," you offered.

"Just a coffee would be great, if you don't mind," he said. You nodded, starting up the coffee machine. "So did you buy this place or are you renting?"

"Just renting," you told him, leaning against the doorframe while you waited for the machine to finish. "I pay monthly, seeing as I get paid monthly. Another great thing about my landlord. He takes apartment payments in schedule with everyone's paydays."

"Wow. That's awesome of him," Sam said. You nodded, disappearing into the kitchen long enough to make his coffee and grab yourself a glass of wine. You took the drinks into the living room, placing yours on the table and handing Sam's to him. He thanked you quietly, taking a sip as you shrugged out of your jacket and kicked off your shoes, putting them in their places before sitting down on the other end of the couch.

"Why are you here, Sam?" you finally asked. You just wanted answered, now you'd established that he wasn't here to hurt or threaten you this time.

"Like I said, I wanted to talk to you," he told you, placing his mug down on the coffee table. "I also wanted to ask for your help."

"Go on," you urged, sipping the red liquid in your glass. He nodded, pushing his hair behind his ears.

"First off, I wanted to apologise for the shitty beginning we had. I shouldn't have tried to attack you, or stalk you. That was a bad move on my part, and Dean was just as wrong as I was with the way he acted. So I'm really sorry, and I'm hoping you'll forgive me, even if not today," he said. You nodded.

"You're redeeming yourself so far, so I think I forgive you," you said, almost unsurely. He smiled, nodding. He understood what you were talking about. "So what about this help you need?"

"Right, yeah," he said, sipping more coffee quickly. "Have you seen Cas recently?"

"He usually stops in ever few days to check on me," you informed the hunter. He raised an eyebrow in question. "We made up not long after the incident. I prayed to him, he came, we talked, we're friends. I've known him far too long to push him away like that. But I haven't seen him in a couple of weeks. I haven't thought much of it though, seeing as I know he goes back to you and your brother when he's done seeing me. I just figured maybe he's busy or onto finding more of our brothers and sisters."

"Okay, right, yeah," Sam said, ruffling up his hair for a minute. "He never told us it was you he was seeing every few days, but he did often disappear on us. We just stopped questioning it, because he'd always come back when we needed him. It's just... the last time he disappeared, he didn't come back, not even when we needed him on a hunt."

"That's not like him," you said, frowning. You sat up straighter. "He's loyal to the end, he wouldn't just suddenly disappear. Especially not when he's helping you two."

"That's what we're worried about," Sam admitted. "It's not like him to disappear like this, and the last time he did, the Angels fell."

"The Great Fall," you recalled, shuddering slightly at the memory. "I was among those who fell. I found bodies of a few who didn't make it while I was trying to find somewhere to stay after I'd dried off. I feared for Castiel the entire time, but I never found him."

"And then he found you," Sam said, nodding. "That's why I need your help, [Y/N]. Dean and me are gonna drive around a few places we think he may be. All I'm asking of you, is that you keep an eye out for him, and if you see him, you give me a call so I know he's okay and he's not getting himself into anymore trouble."

You nodded. "Of course. I'll do whatever I need to do."

"Thanks, [Y/N]," he said, smiling in relief. You returned his smile with a gentle one of your own, nodding your head. You took the card he handed you, looking at it. There was a fake name and FBI details on it, making you roll your eyes. He just smiled sheepishly when you looked at him.

Sam finished off his coffee and popped out into the kitchen to place the mug in the sink for you, and you smiled thankfully at him for the small action. You got up to see him out so you could lock up behind him and grab your phone from your purse to store his number in your contact list.

"Thank you for agreeing to help out, [Y/N]," Sam said as he stepped out of your apartment. You nodded.

"I'd do anything for Castiel. He and I have been friends for a long time, and he means a lot to me," you admitted. Sam smiled, nodding understandingly. He gave your shoulder a gentle squeeze before saying goodnight, tapping something out on his phone as he walked away. You sighed quietly, closing the door quietly and locking it up tight.

You had another couple of glasses of wine while you sat with your phone beside you, debating what you could do. Castiel seemed to be missing, and you were unsure what to do. On one hand, Castiel had disappeared for long periods of time before without word, and he'd always come back. But on the other hand, he wasn't known for disappearing while he was helping Sam and Dean, and the last time he had, Heaven was closed off to all Angels except the few Metatron kept up there with him before his own disappearance.

You tried to pray to Castiel, but you got no answer from him, and he didn't appear to you. You could only assume Sam and Dean had tried that method too, so you knew something was wrong. With a sigh, you took your glass into the kitchen and set the alarm system for the night. There was nothing you could do except keep an eye out for him while you worked, knowing you had the number to contact the Winchester brothers as soon as you had more help for them.


	7. VII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowowowow.  
> Almost 400 hits on this story, oh my.  
> I'm amazed at how well this seems to be turning out, and how supportive people are. Thank you, guys. All of you.  
> Please continue to support this story. I know I'm not a brilliant writer, and there are certainly others in the world with far greater stories than mine, but I'm pleased with how this is turning out and the support means a lot to me. <3

Days passed, you kept working, and you still hadn't seen Castiel.

You were starting to feel constant worry in the pit of your stomach, swirling uncomfortably every time you had a few minutes to think about the dark haired man with the tired blue eyes. You knew he was more than capable of looking after himself, especially now that his grace was fully restored, but that didn't stop the sinking feeling that something was going on that could potentially be dangerous for him. You'd just got him back; you couldn't face the thought of losing him again.

This went on for a couple of weeks. You had the occasional text from Sam to ask if you'd heard anything yet, but you always sent him the same negative reply, and you could only imagine how much that was frustrating him and his brother. Castiel was their friend, and he was missing; surely they were going out of their minds with worry by now. Especially Dean. Dean had a closer bond with Castiel than Sam did because Dean was the one Castiel had pulled out of an eternity in Hell. Events like that change people, sometimes for the best, sometimes for the worst. Anyone could see how close Castiel and Dean were, even if you didn't spend a lot of time around them.

You heard nothing for almost three months, aside from an odd check in from Sam and a one off check in from Dean, and then one man you never thought you'd see again walked into the salon with an appointment, and you happened to be the one free at the time.

"[Y/N], I just found you a client before you die of boredom!" Christina called over, laughing lightly to herself. Your eyes widened when he turned to face you. His hair was so much longer than you remembered, but his pale blue eyes were still so full of hope.

"Alfie," you said quietly.

"[Y/N]," he responded, a grin forming on his lips. You fought back tears of joy as you hugged him close. Christina raised an eyebrow, and you gave her the look that promised an explanation at a later time. She just nodded.

"Since you two seem to know each other, I trust you'll be alright seeing to him?" she asked.

"I got it covered, Chrissy," you assured her, feeling Alfie's arms squeeze your waist gently before releasing you. Christina smiled, nodding as she waved you off and marked off on the appointment list that Alfie was here for his and was being seen to. You lead Alfie over to your station and told him to sit down.

"Your hair has grown so much since we last came face to face," you said quietly to him, gently brushing your fingers through the tangled mess of light blonde-brown hair.

"I know. I've not had much time for keeping appearances. And besides, it's hidden me better," he told you.

"You've been hiding?" you asked, raising an eyebrow. He nodded as you started to comb the tangles out of his hair.

"I tried hiding in plain sight, just like you're doing here, and it worked for a while. I was found, though. Tortured. But Castiel helped me escape and I've been on the run ever since," he told you.

"You've seen Castiel?" you asked, feeling your heart rate picking up.

"Yes. Very recently, actually. He helped me months ago, but he found me again a few weeks ago and he was telling me he'd found you. That's how I knew to come here," he said.

"Is he okay? He's been missing for months," you informed him. A solemn look crossed his features, and you swallowed thickly.

"Something's coming, [Y/N]," he told you under his breath so no one around him would hear. You kept working so it didn't look like anything was wrong. "I don't know what it is, but Castiel says it's bad, and that all of our kind are in danger. He's out trying to stop it before anyone can get hurt, and that includes his hunter friends. He hasn't told them what he's doing. He said he just came to see you one night, then never went back to them."

"Yeah, he did," you confirmed. "Sam came to me a couple of months ago asking if I knew where Castiel is. I hadn't seen him for two weeks at the time. It's been three months now, Alfie, I'm worried sick about him."

"He worries for you too, you know," Alfie told you as you started to cut away the length of his hair. You raised an eyebrow at him in the mirror. He chuckled softly. "He really likes you, [Y/N]. He's doing all this not only for the sake of all the Angels who are here and in danger, but he's doing it to keep you safe, too."

"I am an Angel, and assumabley I am in danger here. Of course he's doing this for me," you said, frowning in confusion. He shook his head, careful not to move too much.

"No, [Y/N], you misunderstand me," he said, reaching back over his shoulder to take a gentle hold of your hand. "He _likes_ you. He told me he can't control the flickering of his grace when you're around him, and when you are in danger, he becomes possessive and angry because he wants to protect you. He told me about the times Sam and Dean Winchester attacked you, and how when they were alone again, he ripped into them and didn't let them get away with thinking he wasn't upset with them for trying to harm you."

"Now you're just being ridiculous," you scoffed, feeling a blush rising in your face. The smile on Alfie's face made your heart sing with joy, and in return, you smiled too. He was an Angel with a contagious smile, and everyone in Heaven who had the pleasure of knowing him closely knew that. Even if they didn't know him closely, you knew he could bring a smile to them.

"Believe what you will, but I speak only what he himself told me," he said, settling back in the chair to let you work. You rolled your eyes, slapping the side of his head playfully. He laughed, and you giggled, and the two of you started talking and catching up.

When you were done cutting his hair back to the length he liked it, he smiled, thanking you as you brushed him down. He stood, hugging you tightly and placing a kiss on your cheek.

"It's been wonderful to see you again, [Y/N]," he told you, genuine joy in his eyes making the hope in them grow further. "I'm glad to see you doing so well."

"It's good to see you too, Alfie," you told him, touching his cheek fondly. He blushed faintly, but his smile never faltered. He was such a kind, loving soul, and you really hoped he'd find someone worth sharing it with some day.

He gave you another hug, then went back to Christina long enough to pay for his appointment and leave behind a tip for you, then he waved goodbye and made his way out, shrugging on a jacket you hadn't even noticed he'd brought with him as he left.

It was when he was around the corner and out of sight that an idea struck you. You quickly dashed out after him, thankful to see he hadn't hidden somewhere to just fly.

"Alfie!" you called. He stopped, spinning around.

"[Y/N], what's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing, nothing, I just... I just thought that, if you need a place to stay and hide out for a while, you're more than welcome to stay in my apartment with me. I mean, I only have my bed and the couch, but we can make it work," you offered. A smile graced his lips, and he ducked his head for a moment before looking back at you.

"You still are one of the kindest Angels in the Garrison, [Y/N]," he told you. "But no thank you. I couldn't bring myself to bother you like that. And besides, running all the time means I finally get to see the world up close, just like I always wanted too."

You sighed. "If you're sure, then."

"I am," he assured you.

"Alright," you said, nodding. "But if you ever change your mind, _Samandriel_ , please do not hesitate to come and find me. You know where I am now."

"I will," he promised, hugging you again before slipping away and disappearing. You sighed quietly, making your way back to the salon to finish your shift.

You gave Christina the explanation you owed her while you cleaned up your station, then the rest of your shift seemed to drag by. By the time you were heading out, you'd almost forgotten all about Alfie stopping by. When you did remember, though, you pulled your phone out of your purse and pulled up your contact list, scrolling through it until you found Sam's number.

 _"[Y/N]?"_ came the voice when the call was answered.

"Sam, hello," you said, walking along the sidewalk, smiling politely at those who were still out at this end of the evening.

 _"Is.. everything alright?"_ he asked when you remained silent for too long. You stayed silent for a minute longer until you were out of immediate earshot of people, then you started talking again.

"I have an idea about where Castiel is," you said. You could hear Dean in the background, so you assumed you were on speaker. "I know nothing of possible locations, but I feel that seeing as you and your brother are hunters, you'll be able to work with what little information I can give you."

 _"Tell us everything you know,"_ came Dean's voice in the background.

"An Angel who in this world goes by the name Alfie stopped by the salon to see me today," you began, trying to recall every little bit of that conversation to your mind. "He said Castiel saved his life a few months ago and he's been running ever since. That was around the time he stopped appearing to any of us. Alfie also said that something is coming, and Castiel has said it's bad and has gone to try and stop it before whatever it is can hurt anyone, including you two."

 _"So has Alfie seen Castiel recently?"_ Sam asked. You nodded, then remembering they can't see you.

"Yes, he has. Castiel crossed paths with him a week or so back and stuck around to check on him," you informed them.

 _"Alfie. Hey, didn't we meet someone with that name the night you tried to auction off my car for the Angel tablet?"_ Dean asked, obviously talking to Sam.

 _"I.. don't remember anyone called Alfie,"_ Sam said uncertainly. You could hear the frown in his tone.

"His real name is Samandriel, if that helps," you offered.

 _"Yes!"_ Dean exclaimed. You jumped a bit, having not expected that. _"Yes, we met him. That's the night Cas saved his skinny ass from Crowley."_

 _"We haven't seen or heard from him since, though,"_ Sam said. _"You said you saw him today, [Y/N]?"_

"Yes. He came into the salon to get his hair cut back to the length he prefers. He'd let it grow out while he's been moving around," you told them. The sound of a sigh filled the speaker for a minute before Sam spoke again.

 _"Alright, well, we'll find out what we can with that information, and we'll let you know if we find anything worth telling you,"_ Sam said.

"No, you'll tell me if you find anything at all," you told him.

_"[Y/N]-"_

"Please, Sam, he's my friend too. I care for Castiel and I want to know anything that might lead us to him sooner," you reasoned.

 _"Sammy, don't keep [him/her] outta this,"_ Dean argued in the background. You frowned slightly, unused to Dean defending you like this. _"[S/he]'s right, man, Cas is [his/her] friend, and [s/he]'s been in his life a lot longer than us. Besides, if we tell her things as we go along, she might pick stuff out that she knows about and might be able to help us with. It'd find Cas a lot faster."_

With a sigh, Sam seemed to give in, making you sigh in relief. _"Alright. We'll let you know as soon as we find anything."_

"Thank you, Sam. And Dean, too," you said as your apartment block came into view.

 _"You gotta make sure you tell us if you find anything else in the meantime, though, you got it?"_ Dean said.

"Of course," you promised. You said quick goodbyes, then you hung up the phone. You dropped your phone back into your purse, then pulled out your apartment key as you punched in the door code for the outside door.

Fifteen minutes later, you were sat on your couch with a glass of wine in your hand, flicking through the channels on the TV. There wasn't much on at this end of the week. Tuesday TV was usually pretty boring. Eventually, you settled for the radio channel, enjoying the variation of music that came on, from old rock to more modern pop. You'd found that since you started listening to music, you weren't fussy about what you listened to as long as you liked the sound of it.

You were the slightest step closer to finding out why Castiel had disappeared like he had, yet you felt like that moment was still so far away. You hated not knowing things that you really needed to know, especially where Castiel was involved. You hadn't been told for weeks where he was when he first got sent to pull Dean Winchester from Hell, and it bothered you so much that you almost lost focus on your duties. Almost.

It had been Naomi to inform you where he'd gone when you'd passed her after escorting a soul to his Heaven one evening. She'd noticed you'd looked upset and tired, and being unable to lie because it was against your nature, you told her about your worries. She'd been kind enough to ease them by telling you he'd been sent to do work on Earth for a while, but he'd be back as soon as his work was done. That had eased you, and for a long while, you were okay, but then Michael never came back after his fight with Lucifer, and there were still no signs of Castiel, so you'd started to feel the worry seeping back again.

You felt your grace stirring weakly inside you when you sat thinking of Castiel and worrying where he could be and what danger he could possibly be in at this point. You wished to whoever was still listening that you could do something more than sitting around and waiting, but with your grace in the state it was in now, you knew there was nothing you could do but wait it out. You hoped that Sam and Dean figured something out soon, or even that you heard something else from someone sometime soon. You weren't sure how long you'd be able to cope with the worrying this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cas is officially missing.  
> Anyone think it's truly anything to worry about, or are they just fretting over nothing?  
> I know the answer to that, of course, but I want to know what people think.  
> So leave comments please. Comments are love, and when you leave a comment, you can take a piece of pie on the way out. <3


	8. VIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is normally updated with Dominion and I apologise for it being a little late, things just got in the way so I haven't had chance to get this update done.  
> On the bright side, it's done now. ^-^  
> Thank you everyone for the continued support.  
> Please keep leaving kudos and comments.  
> I hope you enjoy this update. <3

Things seemed to slow down for a while after that, and just when you thought things were getting back on track even if not for good, the call came that made you decide you couldn't just sit around twiddling your thumbs anymore.

You'd been out on your lunch break when Sam called. I'd been a few weeks since you'd last heard from him. You'd frowned at your phone for a minute because Sam usually sent you a text, but then you took yourself somewhere more private and answered his call, finding Dean on the other end of the line.

 _"[Y/N], good, we need your help,"_ Dean said when you greeted him.

"If I can, of course. What do you need?" you asked.

_"How much do you know about the Mark of Cain?"_

"I know that it's serious business and only two have ever held it that I know of, why?" There was silence. "Dean?"

 _"Okay, okay right, well... what_ do _you know about it, exactly?"_ he asked, sounding a little more bothered than before.

"The Mark is a lock and key combined. It's said to keep the darkness inside, and the Darkness is older than God himself. I know that Lucifer was the first to bare it, and it is said that it's the mark that drove him to the point that he had to be banished to Hell. After Lucifer, Cain took it on, hence the mark being called the Mark of Cain. As far as I'm aware, Cain still has that burden to bare along with the guilt of what he's done for the rest of his life. Why do you ask?"

 _"Right. Yeah. Okay. Uh, Sam and I aren't far from town. You mind if we stop by and see you? This conversation is better finished in person,"_ Dean said.

"Dean.." you said warningly.

 _"Please, [Y/N]? Not on the phone,"_ he said. You sighed irritably.

"I'm in work until six. Meet me at my apartment and don't be seen," you said.

That conversation had lead you to this moment. You'd gone home that night finding Sam and Dean sat in your apartment waiting with bottles of beer you don't ever remember having so assumed they brought with them. You'd jumped when you first spotted them because you hadn't expected them to be in the apartment again, but you sighed, locked up the doors and went to change into something more comfortable.

You grabbed yourself a glass of wine before joining them in the living room, sitting yourself down in the chair that was next to the sofa. You curled your legs beneath you and looked at them expectantly, and they shared a look.

"Are you two going to tell me what's so important that Dean's risking jail _again_ so you can talk to me?" you finally asked, sipping the red liquid in your glass. When neither of them spoke, you huffed in annoyance and made a move to get up, but then Sam started to talk.

"Dean had the mark," he said. You frowned, sitting back again and looking at Dean. His expression was unreadable, but you could see the self-loathing in his eyes. The more you looked at his eyes, the more you could see how tired he was; _exhausted_ even. Dark circles lined his eyes and just by looking at just how dark they were, you could see years of worry from a life he never wanted but got given anyway; years of death and destruction and doing everything he can to protect his little brother, who was still sat right beside him to this day.

"Go on," you said, sipping your wine again. Dean wouldn't meet your eye, he just kept his gaze on the floor, or the coffee table, or Sam.

"The only thing that can kill a Knight of Hell is the First Blade, and without the Mark of Cain, the blade is useless. Instead of letting me take it to save him the burden, Dean took the mark and managed to get hold of the blade. Abaddon is dead now, but we couldn't figure out how to get rid of the mark. He had it for just over a year, and in that time he became a Demon for about a week, but that's not really relevant. I got desperate and went to a powerful witch for help, she managed to remove the mark from him and now the Darkness that the mark was keeping locked up is currently...somewhere."

Sam sucked in a breath after he'd finished speaking, and you stared at him, eyes wide and fearful. You placed your glass down before you lost grip of it and dropped it, and you looked at the brothers.

"The Darkness is real," you breathed. Sam frowned and Dean looked at you. "The Darkness was just a story we were told young. No Angel aside from the Archangels ever believed it was real."

"Well it's very damn real, and I'm pretty surprised it didn't do anything to us while we were watching it through the Impala windows," Dean commented. You groaned, rubbing your hands over your face for a second before getting up and perching on the coffee table in front of the brothers. "What are you-?"

"Hold still, don't mind me," you muttered, placing your index, middle and ring fingers to Dean's forehead. You frowned, repeating the process with Sam, only making your frown grow more. "There's darkness inside you both. The Darkness the mark released will feed on that if you two aren't careful."

"What do you mean there's darkness in us?" Dean asked, watching you get up, grabbing your wine and downing the last of it.

"What I say," you commented. "You were a Demon, Dean, and for a short while, Sam almost was. Sam also still has the Demon blood inside his veins."

"Oh God," Sam muttered.

"And what exactly happens if this darkness feeds on that?" Dean asked slowly. You shrugged.

"I don't know. But I imagine Sam will rely on Demon blood again, and you'll revert back to the Demon you were with the mark on your arm. You'll be at each other's throats in no time, and you'll maybe even slaughter each other," you said grimly. "But don't take my word for it, I wasn't around when the Darkness was. This was just a bedtime story for me."

"Whoever told you guys bedtime stories had serious issues," Dean commented. You chuckled lightly, taking your wine glass into the kitchen and grabbing the bottle of whiskey from the cupboard instead. You needed something stronger now, knowing that every story as a child is real.

"Why did you tell me about all this anyway?" you asked, pouring yourself a shot and downing it as you carried the bottle back into the living room.

"Because we need to know anything you know about it so we can get rid of it," Sam said.

"We also think that this is the bad Cas went after," Dean added. You groaned in annoyance, sitting back in your chair.

"Cas can't defeat this. It's beyond him. He's only going to get himself killed," you said. "I don't know anything about this other than the Darkness is bad news entirely. I also know that only the four Archangels along with God can get rid of it and push it back into its cage again."

The boys stared at you for what felt like an eternity, then shared a look before looking back at you. You cocked an eyebrow at them, and Dean groaned loudly, slumping back in his chair. Sam sighed, messing with his hair.

"Well we're royally screwed, then," he said.

"That's an understatement," Dean scoffed. "Gabriel and Raphael are dead, and Lucifer and Michael are both in the cage. We also don't know where God is, and we haven't known in freakin' _years._ "

"And that's what comes of you getting involved where you shouldn't and don't understand," you told them, taking another shot of whiskey.

"What the Hell is that supposed to mean?" Dean asked, outraged.

"It means, Dean, that you shouldn't have killed Raphael, you shouldn't have gotten Gabriel involved further than he already was, and you shouldn't have tried so hard to go against Lucifer and Michael's fight," you told him.

"God, you're not one of _those_ Angels, are you?" he asked.

"Dean," Sam scolded.

"No, I'm not one of _those_ you pompous dick," you spat. "I just firmly believe in fate and I feel that fate shouldn't be tampered with because she is a true bitch, as I'm sure you both know firsthand. Your fate was to be the vessels Lucifer and Michael needed to end their fight once and for all to bring God back, but you didn't listen, did you? Not only did you fuck that up and trap them _both_ in the cage, but I hear you lost your younger brother, too. Adam, right?"

You didn't register anything until your glass was shattering against the floor and Dean's hand was around your throat, holding you back against the couch with a gun against the underside of your jaw.

"Dean, let her go!" Sam exclaimed, trying to talk his brother down.

"You don't get to talk about Adam like that," Dean growled dangerously. "No one gets to talk about him like that, you hear me? _No one._ "

"You won't shoot me, Dean," you wheezed out, prying his fingers back a bit so you had more breathing control. "Even if you do, it won't kill me."

"It won't kill you, but it'll hurt like a bitch and cause some pretty bad damage," he hissed.

"If my neighbours hear gunfire, they're going to know I'm in danger again, so they'll call the cops," you hissed back. "I have an alarm that'll silently trigger those who are working in the area to come to my aid, and before you can even blink, you'll be cuffed and dragged outta here and you'll be kissing your freedom goodbye."

"If I go down, Sam's going down with me for just being here, and he hasn't done anything wrong," Dean said.

"I know. That's exactly why I'll vouch for him and tell the cops he was trying to protect me the whole time, not hurt me," you said, almost smug as your eyes met Dean's. "I'll tell them his crazy ass older brother finally lost it in grief for the shit he's done in his life and wanted to take it out on someone he doesn't know that well, and I'll tell them Sam was trying to keep me safe."

"I thought Angels were the good guys," Dean said, finally backing off.

"We are, until you pull shit like that," you snapped. "Just because you're afraid of the truth, doesn't mean you have to take it out on whoever's giving it to you straight."

"I'm not scared," Dean defended.

"Yes, Dean, you are," you said, standing up. "That's why your gun is still aimed at me."

"Dean, c'mon, just leave her be," Sam said, touching his brother's shoulder. With a huff, Dean put the safety back on the gun and tucked it away. You could see tears creating a gloss over his eyes as he turned and left your apartment. Sam hung back for a second, sighing. "I'm-"

"Don't apologise for him," you said, shaking your head. "You don't apologise for him. Ever. If he fucks up, he's gotta be the one to apologise, you hear me?"

"Yeah, yeah I hear you," Sam said, shaking his head.

"I'm sorry that I lost control on him like that. I shouldn't have said what I did. I have no right to talk about Adam like that. I'm also sorry I wasn't much help today," you said. Sam shook his head again, giving your shoulder a gentle squeeze.

"You don't know much because it was long before your time, but what little you could tell us has given us a point to work from," Sam assured you. "And as for what you said? Dean... he needs to be pushed sometimes. Sometimes he needs to hear the cold, hard truth, even if it hurts and hits hard. I am kinda mad you talked about Adam like that, because we would give anything to be able to save him and give him the life he deserves, but Dean needed the push and he needs to hear the truth that brutal sometimes."

"I'll apologise to him when he cools off and isn't at risk of pointing a gun at me again," you said. Sam nodded. "Will you let me know when you figure out what your next move is?"

"I'll call you, promise," he said. You nodded, giving him a hug before letting him go. He flashed you a smile, then left the apartment, closing the door behind him. You sighed, locking up for the night. You glanced at the clock, seeing it wasn't too late yet. You grabbed your phone and called the employee number at the salon, knowing Chrissy would still be there locking up.

 _"[Y/N], what's up?"_ she asked in greeting. _"I was just leaving to lock the main door and pull the shutter down."_

"Sorry, Chrissy, I should've called a bit sooner but I had stuff I needed to see too first," you apologised, masking the truth with a half truth. "Actually, I was wondering if it'd be okay if I took a couple months holiday?" You knew you'd get away with it because you very rarely took sick days or holidays in the two years you'd been working there. You had a lot of time they owed you, and Chrissy knew that.

 _"I'm not gonna deny you this holiday because damn, I've been trying to get you to take a damn holiday for ages, but why so suddenly?"_ she asked, concern clear in her voice. _"Is everything okay, [Y/N]?"_

"Everything's fine, I promise," you told her. "I just... I feel like I need to take some me time, y'know? And I recently got back in touch properly with a guy I haven't seen or heard from in _years_ and I wanted to go road tripping with him for a while. That's not selfish of me, is it?"

 _"No, God no, of course not [Y/N],"_ Chrissy said. You could picture her shaking her head at you for being daft. _"Take all the time you need, honey. How long were you hoping to be gone for?"_

"Couple of months? Three at most?" you practically questioned. You could hear papers rustling around.

 _"So that's about half a year's worth of owed holidays and sick days here,"_ she chuckled. You cracked a smile, thankful that she was so understanding. _"I've marked you off for three and a half months. If you come back early, call in advance so we don't wrongly take owed days from you. I'll shift all your appointments to other people in the morning before we open. Just take care of yourself out there, you hear? And promise me I'll get all the gossip before Tam does when you get back!"_

You laughed, feeling relief take the weight off your shoulders. "You got it, Chrissy. Thank you."

You both said your goodnights, and then you hung up, leaving Chrissy finish locking up so she could get home to her family. You sent a quick message to Tammy to let her know you were going on a road trip for a few months with the friend she kept telling you to talk to. You knew you'd never hear the end of this, but you also knew she'd respect that you were taking time and would want space.

You didn't really know that you needed these months, but you had a feeling that now the boys knew what they needed to do, they'd be wanting to go ahead with trying to get something done. Their first task would be finding God and hoping he can bring back Raphael and Gabriel, then they'd move on to what they were going to do about Lucifer and Michael. In this time, you were hoping they'd be able to track down Castiel. You were worried sick about him, and he still wasn't answering your prayers.

After another shot of whiskey, you put everything away, brushed your teeth, then went to bed. You were going to sleep on it and decide what to do come morning.


	9. IX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologise for the long wait between updates. Life started to get in the way. I've gotta drag myself into the real adult world now that I'm 2 weeks away from turning 19 and that includes getting a part time/full time job to make the money I need on top of my Contract job, so I've been making calls and applying everywhere and I've even signed on in the local Job Centre to get some help. But enough about my life here; life is hectic now and updates will be less frequent, but they will happen as and when I can. I hope you understand, and I thank everyone who's read, bookmarked and left kudos for this story. <3
> 
> This chapter is a little boring, I think, but it'll pick up again at some point. When it picks up, you know that they're close to finding Cas. :P

Your phone was what woke you the following morning. Tam was calling to complain that she wasn't going to see you for a couple of months after she'd found out from Chrissy after dropping in to make sure you'd be available for her touch-up in a week's time. She pretended to be mad at you, but it didn't stop her feeling relieved that you'd finally decided to take a break instead of working yourself so hard. You felt guilty that it's what they all thought, but you were doing it for the greater good, and you didn't regret the decision.

You tried to contact Castiel again during breakfast, but there was no response from his phone and you assumed he hadn't heard or was just ignoring your prayers.

It was around lunch time when you finally heard from Sam. He'd sent you a text to make sure you weren't busy, then he called you fifteen minutes later explaining that they had a small lead and somewhere to start in first finding Cas, and then going after ways to take down the Darkness; probably without the help of the Archangels and God.

"I'm coming with you," you told him, making sure your bag was ready. There was a pause at the other end of the line, and you finally heard Dean in the background commenting _what did [s/he] just say?_

 _"[Y/N], are you sure that's a good idea?"_ Sam asked unsurely.

"I'm sure, Sam. I want to help you find Castiel. I've already booked the time off work anyway, so I'm not walking away from anything important. Let me help you. Please?" you said.

Sam and Dean talked quietly for a minute, but it was muffled, so you couldn't pick out what they were saying. You finally heard Dean say _okay_ and then Sam was back on the line.

 _"Alright, if you're sure,"_ he said. _"Cas is your friend too. We can't stop you wanting to help him."_

"Thank you. Both of you," you said sincerely.

 _"No problem,"_ Sam said. You heard Dean agree in the background. He sounded a lot calmer and pretty well-rested compared to the night before. _"Aright, you want us to pick you up?"_

"No, don't risk coming back here during the day. I can meet you both somewhere," you told them, doing one last check of the bag you'd packed, deciding you needed a couple more things before you could go. "Name the place and the time, and I'll be there."

 _"Marko's in an hour,"_ Dean commented.

"Sure. I'll be there," you said. Marko's was on the edge of town heading towards the next city, but you knew you'd make it in plenty of time.

 _"Alright. See you in an hour, [Y/N],"_ Sam said. You both said your goodbyes before hanging up.

You spent fifteen minutes grabbing a couple of last minute essential things that you needed to take with you, then you made sure you had your alarm system set, let your neighbours know you were leaving for a couple of months, and made your way out of the building.

On your way to Marko's, you dropped in to your landlord to let him know you'd be out for a couple of months and to pay half of the rent for those two months so he knew you'd be coming back. Once everything that needed doing was done, you kept going. You managed to make it to Marko's with a couple of minutes to spare, and moments later, the Impala pulled up and Sam and Dean got out to greet you.

"You made it, I'm impressed, seeing as you came from the other side of town," Dean chuckled. You shrugged, smiling and letting Sam take your bag to put in the car. "Look, I'm sorry for the other night. It was... out of order. I should've kept a lid on it."

"I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have said what I did. It was stupid and I was very wrong to do so," you told him.

"So we're good?" he asked, giving you a light smile. You nodded once, returning the smile.

"We're good," you confirmed. Sam was smiling at the two of you, relief written over his face. "So where are you heading first?"

"Out of State. There's nothing in this State for us," Dean said as the two of you walked to the car.

"Where is your first lead taking you?" you asked curiously, getting into the back of the car when Sam pulled open the door for you.

"Missouri," Sam answered, getting into the front passenger seat as Dean got into the driver's seat. "There's apparently been activity so unexplainable out there that even the Demons are freaking out."

"That's never a good sign," you commented. Dean snorted in agreement as he started up the engine. He glanced at you through the mirror.

"Last chance to change your mind, [Y/N]," he said. "We won't be mad if you don't want to go through with this."

"Castiel is my friend," you said stubbornly. "I want to help him."

"Alright. Let's go then," Dean said, pulling out of the parking lot of Marko's and pulling onto the main road to take you out of the city, then in the direction of out of State.

You couldn't deny that you were nervous to be doing this. You'd had such a simple, easy life since recovering from your fall from Heaven, and then Castiel had shown up outside the salon and your life had been turned upside down. You'd been foolish enough to leave the safety and comfort of your workplace to follow the man and see for yourself that it was in fact Castiel, who no one had seen or heard much from in years. He'd taken you to meet the Winchester boys, and that alone was signing your simple life away, but for Castiel, you'd do it again and again. He was your friend and you trusted him. He'd kept you safe and been your rock for so long, and now you wanted to prove yourself to him so he'd know he could always ask the same of you.

The drive was a couple of hours long, and for the most part, you kept quiet and observed; listening to Sam and Dean talking, listening to the music Dean chose to play on the radio when he and his brother fell silent, and praying in hopes that Castiel could still hear them. _We're coming, Castiel. We will find you._

Upon arriving in Springfield, Missouri, you felt a sense of foreboding wash over you, making you tense up as you slowly sat yourself upright in your seat. You didn't like this feeling. The last time you'd felt something like this was just before the Great Fall almost three years ago.

"[Y/N]?" Your mind focused back in on what was happening in the car. You'd been so lost in thought that you hadn't realised Dean had parked outside the first motel he'd found. Sam was now looking back at you with a look of concern on his face.

"Sorry," you said quietly.

"What's wrong?" Sam asked as Dean excused himself to book a room.

"Dean wait!" you called, getting out of the car after him.

"[Y/N]?" Sam repeated, the last to exit the car.

"What's wrong?" Dean asked, repeating Sam's earlier question.

"I have a horrible feeling about this place," you said quietly.

"The motel?" Dean asked. You shook your head.

"The whole city," you confessed. Dean frowned. "There's... something evil here, Dean."

"Damn it," he sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. "That means there's something here that we need to do."

"Do you know what?" you asked. He shook his head.

"Not yet," he said. "I'm gonna get that room booked so we can start working. Do you want to room with us, [Y/N]?"

You nodded slowly. "I'd feel safer if I wasn't alone."

"You got it," Dean said. His eyes were silently questioning your unwillingness as an Angel to be alone. You'd always been good at reading exactly what people were questioning, but you were thankful that he didn't seem to want to know. At least not yet.

Under any other circumstance, you wouldn't be afraid to be alone because you're a powerful being, but with your grace continuing to waver and fade, you were unsure about how long you'd be able to protect yourself for. You wanted to be able to help Castiel, and in order to do that, you needed to keep yourself safe.

Dean didn't take long paying for a room, and in the time he was gone, Sam had helped you grab the bags from the trunk of the Impala, including a bag that he showed you were full of weapons. There was another Angel blade that your eyes found, and it irked you that he had possession of it, but you didn't want to fight with them, so you let him keep hold of it. You weren't sure when there was a possibility that he'd need it.

Once inside the motel room, Sam settled on his bed with his laptop, researching as much as he could to try and find the source of the evil you were feeling in this city, while Dean called in an order for pizza. That left you to gaze around the room and take note of how the two spent their motel time between hunts. You observed them, occasionally asking a question that they answered as best they could. In return, they asked you about things they weren't sure about, and you answered with as much knowledge as you could, especially where this Darkness is concerned.

By the time nightfall came, the three of you weren't much better informed of the situation, and Dean had suggested that you all just settle for the night and head out into the city come daylight to talk to people and see if anything has been off with the locals recently.

There were two double beds in the room, and there was a sofa-bed too. Sam had already claimed the bed that was nearest the bathroom, leaving the couch and the window bed unclaimed. Hesitantly, Dean suggested you take the other bed so you'd be comfortable while he took the sofa-bed, but you shook your head in refusal. You could see the hesitancy to be that far across the room from his brother, and you knew it was better for him to sleep comfortably so he'd be more alert to do his job.

"Take the bed, Dean," you told him, starting to pull the sofa-bed out to place the sheets and pillows on it. "You don't want to be across the room, and that's okay. I will be fine over here."

"[Y/N].." he said unsurely. You shook your head. In the time you and Dean spent having this discussion, Sam had changed into something lighter and buried himself beneath the sheets, falling asleep almost instantly.

"You don't want to be away from Sam, and that's okay," you told him. He deflated as he sat down on the bed. You frowned, moving across the room to sit beside him. "What? Did I say something wrong? I'm sorry Dean, I shouldn't have-"

"No, no you're okay," he said, shaking his head as he sighed, ruffling up his short hair. "You're also good at reading people, too."

"How so?" you asked, eyes softening as you looked at Dean's exhausted expression.

"I don't like being too far from Sam," he admitted, shaking his head. "I make him take the bed furthest into the room so he's away from the windows and any chances of being directly in the firing line. We both have good, quick reflexes, but I'd rather be in the firing line knowing he'd be quick to react to make sure I'm not hurt."

"Is that why he sleeps so close to the edge of the bed?" you asked curiously, glancing back at the younger Winchester. Dean nodded, smiling over at his little brother.

"Yeah," he admitted. "When I'm asleep, I'll move during the night so I'm closer to him. When we were kids, when he was scared, he'd reach out to me in the night, and I'd reach out to him too so he'd know I'm there for him, and we'd fall asleep holding hands. It's a habit that we never grew out of. We're all we've ever had, me an' him. Even when dad was still alive, he was never really there."

"You're a good brother, Dean," you assured him, giving him a gentle smile as you touched his shoulder. He looked at your hand, then at you, and he smiled weakly. "Take the bed, Dean. Be close to Sam in case he needs you. I'll be okay on the other bed."

"Thanks," he said quietly as you got up. You didn't respond, only smiled to yourself and grabbed your pyjamas, making your way into the bathroom to change in private. When you emerged again, Dean had changed and crawled under the covers. He was laying on his front with his left arm stuffed under the pillows, and his right stretched out in Sam's direction. You smiled. They were so close and so dependent on each other. It was a bond that would never be broken no matter what the world threw at them.

You crawled into bed, finding that it was comfier than you'd expected, and you were soon drifting to sleep peacefully, building up as much strength as you could so you could be as much use as possible in finding the missing Angel and bringing an end to this evil.


	10. X

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been ages since I last updated and for that I apologise. Life got difficult for a while, so writing was the last thing on my mind. And then the Walking Dead fandom swallowed me up so I binged my way through that until I was caught up. And then things got hectic again and ugh. Life has just been a general pain.  
> This update isn't as long as usual, nor is it really exciting, but it's finally an update and ooohhhh stuff and thangs. o:  
> Thank you all for being patient with me <3

It was days before you even heard anything _close_ to helpful. Sam and Dean were getting restless and frustrated, which lead to making them easily irritable and constantly snap at one another, and sometimes you if you were in the wrong place at the wrong time.

You spent most of the time in the back of the Impala while the boys switched out who drove while the other napped a little then got on with research and making calls. You very rarely stopped for anything but gas, food and for the boys to swap places. You never did find out what had been giving you that bad feeling in the motel in Missouri, but you were convinced that bad feeling was following you around, because you felt it in every State you visited, sometimes a little stronger and sometimes a little weaker. Sam and Dean weren't able to find anything out of place in the States you were passing through, so they were beginning to worry about what was going on with you.

After almost falling asleep at the wheel and crashing, Dean decided it was time to take a risk and stop at another motel long enough to catch up on some missed hours of sleep and to get a proper meal into them all. Your Grace was faltering more and more each day passing, so you were beginning to rely more on human habits than ever to keep your body ticking over so you could help the boys. Sam had taught you as much as he could about being smart with every move you make, and Dean had spent time teaching you how to use a few weapons that you never usually had to make use of. This way, the two of them felt better about leaving you on your own for the few minutes a time that they had to because you were able to defend yourself without using up what precious little was left of your Grace.

The days passed faster, the weather got colder, and Sam and Dean got angrier. They were angry at themselves, they were angry at each other, and they were angry at the world. It was one big mess after another in their lives and they hated it. They never could catch a break and you felt sorry for them. You just wanted them to have lives they deserved after proving they were willing to go so far for the good of those they cared for, but they couldn't have that, not with a job left undone.

You were on the road again. It was a frosty morning approaching the end of October. Two and a half months Castiel had been missing. Ten weeks. Seventy days. It was driving you crazy not knowing where he is or whether he's even _alive_ , but you pushed on, determined to bring him home again. You'd called home, letting your work colleagues know that you were going to be gone longer than you'd hoped because of what you claimed was a family emergency, and you told your landlord the same when you called to tell him you were transferring him another two months of rent, unsure of how long you'd be away for. Thankfully, everyone understood, but that didn't mean that there weren't questions being asked somewhere along the line.

You'd fallen asleep laying across the backseat around fifteen minutes into the drive, and for once, your dreams didn't haunt you, nor did they keep you happy and distracted from the troubles of the world around you. Your dream was nothing but darkness, occasionally flashing with white and grey, almost like the static of a television that wouldn't tune into a channel. There were whispers. They were so loud that they gave you a headache. You realised that this was Angel radio, and this was the first time you'd properly tuned into it since your Grace began to get too fragile to tamper with. Not even a minute after the whispers began, they cut out, and one single voice was left ringing in your head.

_"Help me. Please. Send help. Someone. Anyone. Help me. Please. Send Help."_

_He's alive._ You told yourself over and over again that it was real and you weren't imagining it from missing him so much. You tried to talk back to him, but you couldn't. You couldn't find your inner strength to talk to him. You couldn't find your voice and your Grace was hidden in a small box inside you, but you _needed_ to talk to him. You needed to find out where he was and who had him hidden away.

In the end, you grabbed hold of a shred of your Grace and tuned in properly, finally able to speak back to him.

"Castiel?!"

_"[Y/N]."_

There was nothing but utter _relief_ in his tone. He was exhausted, and you could hear it with every syllable he breathed out. He was exhausted and he was weak, you could feel it in what little connection you could hold onto. You had to help him. You just had to.

"Castiel, where are you? Why can't I find you?"

_"I don't know. I don't know where I am. I think I'm lost, [Y/N], I need help. Please, help me."_

"I'm coming, Castiel, just hold on okay? I have Sam and Dean and we're coming to get you I swear, I-"

 _"No! Do not put them in harm's way! No!"_ Castiel immediately protested. You winced, body flinching in your sleep. He was truly fearful of whatever this enemy was, and Castiel was an Angel fearful of very little, if anything at all.

"Castiel please, I need them, I don't have enough Grace to come alone or to call for the other Angels. They want to find you. We're almost there, just hold on and stay with me a little while longer so I can try and find where you're being hidden away-"

_"[Y/N] no! This is dangerous! Do not hurt them! Do not let them find me! They will be harmed and I don't want it to come to that!"_

Castiel kept on protesting, and your hold on your Grace slipped, so before you could even begin to lock onto a guess as to where he was being kept, you'd lost him.

You woke with a yell, bolting upright in your seat. Dean swerved from fright and slammed on his breaks and Sam shoved his hands in front of him to stop himself falling forward too far. Both turned to you with wide, worried eyes.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" Sam asked quickly. You blinked, staring blankly at them for a couple of seconds.

"[Y/N]!" Dean exclaimed, dragging you from your daze.

"Castiel," you said.

"What about him?" Dean asked.

"He's alive," you told them.

"What?!" they both exclaimed.

"How do you know?" Sam asked at the exact same moment Dean asked you for his whereabouts.

"I used some of my Grace to get into Angel radio. I heard him. Through all of the others, I heard him. He was calling out but no one else was paying attention to him. I don't think anyone else could hear him," you explained. "I told him we're coming for him, but he told me not to bring you two. He told me it was dangerous and he didn't want either of you to get hurt."

The brothers shared a look, then looked back at you. Dean's expression had hardened and Sam's eyes were full of determination.

"We're gonna find him whether he wants us there or not," Dean said. "Did you get any clues to his location?"

You shook your head. "No. I lost him before I could make a guess."

"That's okay, [Y/N]," Sam cut in before Dean could argue. "You shouldn't have used your Grace anyway, not while it's in such a fragile state. But we know he's alive now, so that's one worry off our minds."

"We're gonna have a long talk about you using your Grace, [Y/N]," Dean said, turning in his seat to face forward again, pulling away from the side of the road and back onto the highway. "But first, we gotta go find our Angel."

**Author's Note:**

> First time writing a reader-insert story. I can't usually write these because I change POV too much to keep it going, but I'm giving it a go to see what happens.
> 
> Leave me comments and kudos. It helps a lot. <3
> 
>  _Anyone who comments and leaves kudos may also take a piece of pie._ ( >


End file.
